Chapter 7: "Can we talk about how we're feeling?"

We've finally made it to the seventh and last key phrase.

• "How are you feeling about this relationship? Is it meeting your needs?"
• "Can we talk about how we're feeling about what's going on?"
• "I'd like to talk about what just happened. I think we may be stuck in a pattern."
• "Can we talk about what's happening?"
• "Before we leap into having sex tonight, I want to check in with you about how we're both feeling."

This phrase "can be used to get you communicating about something that just happened a minute ago, or it can prompt you to step back and look at how satisfied you are in this relationship overall." It's a way of pausing to check in.

Chapter 6: "I hear you, and I have a different perspective"

Sorry for the delay in posting this. I've been busy!

Top-of-chapter examples:

• I hear that you want to spend the weekend with your parents, and I'd prefer that we spend a romantic weekend alone.
• I hear you saying you want to get a new truck, and I'm afraid we won't be able to make the payments.
• I hear that you want to start being sexually open to other lovers, and I still want to be monogamous.
• I hear you saying you think we should forbid Suzie from going out with boys until she is sixteen, and I'm afraid she'll just do it behind our backs.

This key phrase is about holding differences, which the author says helps build mutual trust: "it builds self-trust because you're no longer assuming that you'll lose yourself if you become open to the other's views; and it helps others trust you because they can sense that while you're really showing up for yourself, you care about their views as well."